I Need You Like A Hurricane

Hitting rock bottom feels awful, but I love it. It’s about recognising the beauty in those times when everything crumbles beneath your feet and your soul feels totally raw. Everything is exposed. The hard reality comes into light and you’re faced with a decision. What are you going to do with the truth?

In an obscure way, it’s kind of like exercising. At the time, you hate it. You curse your trainer for putting you through such pain. But you know that they know whats best, and you know yourself that, although it hurts, it’s worth it. Afterwards, you feel so much better having gone through it.

I’ve hit the bottom bad and it hurts. I realised that I’m not the person I want to be. My life doesn’t match up with the description of a ‘God Girl’ in Hayley DiMarco’s book. A God Girl is kind, caring, loving, etc. At the core of my problem is my selfishness. I’ve identified it. Now I just have to do something about it.

It’s easy to think about putting others before yourself, or to know what you should do, but actually doing it is another thing all together. It’s an attitude of the heart that needs adjusting and it’s going to take time.

It makes me think of Jimmy Neeham’s song Hurricane. It’s coming to that point where you realise that you need God, and you need him to strip you bare. You find parts of yourself that you have built into your life that are decaying inside you.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not all bad. You’re not a hopeless mess. There is good. But it’s hindered by the bad stuff that’s getting in the way. So we need to let go of it and allow God to get rid of it so that the good things in our lives can flourish. That’s what Jesus meant when he said:

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ² He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. ³ You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. ⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” 

-John 15:1-5

He wants to prune us to be the best that we can be and produce the best fruit we can.

So I’ve decided to give God back the blocks. I want to be God’s creation, not my own failed attempt. But it will take work. It’s like building a muscle. You exercise and it becomes stronger. But in the same way, to maintain the strength you have to continue to use it.

I want long term results, but I know that who I become is ultimately dependent on the decisions I make day to day. Will I watch West Side Story and distract myself or will I crack open my Bible and face the truth. Will I allow God to uncover the dirty parts in my life so that I can deal with them, or will I let them rot longer until I have to face them?

I honestly want to be a better person. I want to be the refined silver that reflects the silversmith. I want be pure and reflect Jesus. So I shall endeavor little by little to surrender myself to his fire and allow him to mold me.

Here are the lyrics to Jimmy Needham’s song. This is my prayer:

“I have built a city here 
Half with pride and half with fear 
Just wanted a safer place to hide 
I don’t want to be safe tonight 

CHORUS
I need You like a hurricane 
Thunder crashing, wind and rain 
To tear my walls down 
I’m only Yours now 
I need you like a burning flame 
A wild fire untamed 
To burn these walls down 
I’m only Yours now 
I’m only Yours now 

I am Yours and You are mine 
You know far better than I 
And if destruction’s what I need 
Then I’ll receive it Lord from Thee 
Yes, I’ll receive it Lord from Thee 

And it’s Your eye in the storm 
Watching over me 
And it’s Your eye in the storm 
Wanting only good for me 
And if You are the war 
Let me be the casualty 
‘Til I’m Yours alone 
I am only Yours 
I am Yours alone, Lord 

Come be my hurricane”

-Jimmy Needham