Surrender

“If you make a compromise with surrender, you can remain interested in the abundant life, all the riches of freedom, love, and peace, but it is the same as looking at a display in a shop window. You look through the window but do not go in and buy. You will not pay the price – Surrender”

– E. Stanley Jones.

“I lift my hands just as I am, I’m letting go of false control
I lift my voice, I have no choice
My life is Yours, use me for Your fame.”

– Rush of Fools (Fame Lyrics)

I need to stop trying to hold on. Let go of this idea that is really ‘false control’. Stop thinking I actually have any power over what is happening. In those weak times, that is when I become dependent on him.

It is so important to remember to take time out and remember who God is. I’ve had some hectic assignments due in the last few days and I have felt so lost and helpless. All that kept me sane was my daily trip to the beach. I got some exercise to take the edge of unusual anxiety off, but most of all, I saw that the world kept spinning round. Life goes on and it is bigger than our tight-knit list of priorities. People were laughing and smiling. The sun was glowing glorious hues as it bid goodbye for the evening.

I had this thought that I needed to do the absolute best that I could at Uni to bring glory and honour to God. I was all wrapped up in doing well and scared of failing in case I let him down. When I took time out and saw the crescent-shaped beach, the waves brushing against the shore, the cumulus clouds radiating vibrant colour and the rays bursting forth from the heavens, I realised that God doesn’t need me to bring glory to himself. He has invited me to, but God’s image shall never be tainted and his glory will forever be shone.  I had to let go of the idea that God’s glory was all in my hands.  Only then, could I truly reflect the King of Peace.

I felt so much better for surrendering. I know it is only the beginning. I am very strong-willed, controlling and bossy, often causing me to get agitated and aggressive.  I know I need to exchange these things for the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) but I am aware that as long as I realise this and do nothing about it, I am merely window shopping.

I need to lay the cards down on the table.

Surrender.

. . .

“Be still, and know that I am God”

-Psalm 46:10

And Then Tomorrow Became Today

As children, we always wonder who we will be when we grow up. We hit high school and people begin asking us what we want to do when we finish school.

I never knew what I wanted to do. I never had any plans, hopes or dreams. I didn’t have a vision or a goal. Rather than aiming for some lofty mark, I always just strove to do my best and I felt good about it.

Although people seemed to think that I ought to know what I would do, it never bothered me that I didn’t. Leaving school and growing up were still years in the distance.

I knew that God would reveal his plan to me in his timing, There was no need to stress about it. I always felt at peace, even in the midst of uncertainty.

Eventually my schooling came to a close. I applied for university and thought nothing of it, just going through the motions. All I knew was that I still wasn’t sure what God wanted me to do. I needed a break from all the studying. A year to clear my mind, relax and listen to God and speak to him. I filled six journals that year.

A few weeks ago, my beloved ‘gap year’ neared a close and 2013 came looming into view and I still didn’t know what God wanted me to do. Constantly being bombarded with the question ‘what are you doing next year’, I would reply with what has been my back up plan, “I am going to study a double degree of Secondary Teaching and Arts, majoring in English’,.  The second question inevitably came, “In Newcastle?”. And although I had secured my position, I still replied, “I don’t know”. I wasn’t convinced. I might choose to explain that I had applied for Sydney University or the University of New South Wales, but then again, I might not have been bothered.

“Next year” quickly became ‘”this year” and having to reply “I don’t know” when asked what I was doing became quite unbearable.

How can one not know? How can one have no idea where they will be in a month’s time? Where they will be living, studying, working? How can I not have any idea about what will happen THIS year?

I struggled to be patient, to wait just that little bit longer to hear from God, to make the right choice. Not to stuff it up.

Will I move to Sydney and study down there in a sea of brilliant opportunities? I got in after all, and not everyone does. All the doors have opened up, even accommodation unsought after. Am I wiling to step out of my comfort zone and trust God with something new? Or will I stay in the city I’ve lived in my whole life and continue living in the comforts of my blessed life here with family, friends, work etc?

Well, my dear friends, you shall just have to wait and see!

While you’re waiting, why not take time to contemplate your own future. Is there something unforeseeable? Why not place your future in God’s capable hands.

Check out this awesome quote by Corrie Ten Boom: